Monday, April 20, 2009 @10:54 PM
Dd ...
Thank you for promising to wait. Really felt very touched, loved and blissful.
I really love you to bits.
And I shall fulfil my promise to you, till the end of time.
--
Friday, April 10, 2009 @1:00 AM
I was pacing up and down the house, holding on to a piece of "statement of particulars" which he recently declared. NOK details had another woman's name written in it. It happened to be someone I knew. She is a broker from my office, the sweet young thing, also the sarong party girl kinda girl. Fuming inside, I wondered, Why ? Why her ? Of all people, and how in the first place did he managed to know this girl ? His partying had gotten him so many new girls ? I read the piece of information i had in my hands. Cant take it anymore. I rushed to the door, in tears. I saw someone familiar standing at the door. Its dd's brother. Wait a minute. What is he doing here ? He doesnt know my house address. He doesnt, oh dear, this is getting confusing. The statement of particulars belonged to who ? Was it him or dd ? Why is dd's brother here consoling me ? Where is dd ? Where is everyone ?
I startled up in my bed. It was 5.40am. I sms-ed dd that I missed him very much. And it was not long after, I drifted back to sleep.
I saw him there, and somehow, I had sms-ed him to meet to talk things out. Hurtful words came out, I was crushed, once again. Tears just rolled.
I got woken up by elthea's cries. Oh, I was so relieved to get out of that nightmare. Back to the reality, I scolded myself for initiating to "meet" him and causing myself misery in my dreams. Where is dd, I wondered. On the way to work, I was thinking, what can I do to make myself stand up to him in my dreams just like that I can do in reality. I have decided that I need to FACE it. By not purposly avoiding / mentioning would make him just another person, and not someone whom I do not even want to mention. I tried, & I failed. Coz I made someone upset. Can someone teach me what to do ? I need to heal, I cant let these nightmares bring me down.
I am lost.
Feel very alone. Because no one agrees with me. Not even dd.
I am afraid.
Afraid to lose again.
*sad, helpless me*
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 @1:46 PM
Haven blogged for quite awhile. Was so busy doing my projects, rushing assignments as well as my quarter-end closing. More or less its gonna be done. Now taking a breather, thought wanna blog a bit. Hehez.
Besides being tied up at studies and work, I was also busy viewing some flats the past few weeks. Didnt really go to a lot of places, just a few to have a feel of the flats in punggol and sengkang. Yes! I will be moving to the North-east (Most probably). There was this particular flat in Punggol that both me and dd like a lot. But it was real expensive! Sigh. Doubt we can afford that (all thanks to my current status). Anyway, I have also arranged 2 couples to view my flat. One was quite interested while the other was giving neutral comments. One selling point for my flat is Modern, Simplified and Quiet. Hehe. Whatsmore, currently J.West has no more new flats, so people who wanna move into this estate definitely must look for resale lo. And to top it off with the new Pioneer MRT station, I am sure the house would be quite sellable, just that the price factor has to be good. :)
Will be having my exams in 2 weeks time, meaning, I will have to slog for it again. Sigh. Luckily I am only taking 2 exams this semester. As usual, my exams likes to fall on month-end. Would only be able to get off from work for the first paper. The 2nd paper, sigh, will have to depend on my evenings, and weekends. But since I am a 2nd-timer on that paper, theoratically, it should be relatively easier. Haha.
Ok, back to work.
Just quarrelled with my dd. Cant help but feel that sometimes, people do take each other for granted. And when its both ways, quarrels happen. Hate to quarrel, but just want to say how I feel, and not bottle it inside.
DD, if you are reading this, just want to let you know that I hate quarrels, even though i say too much and think too much sometimes. Sorry if my words have stung you too hard. I guess, I really love you much. Too afraid to lose again.
--
*** love nv fail to hurt pple ***